Archive for September 2013
The polyamorous love
Agustina Wayansari, Contributor, Jakarta | Lifestyle
Aside from the huge gasp that reverberates throughout the country, the response toward the sex tape involving television personality Cut Tari and rock star Nazriel “Ariel” Ilham, has been somewhat varied.
Keepers of traditional values were disappointed with what they viewed as “irresponsible” behavior from a wife. Many others criticized her husband for being too soft on her, in spite of an extra-marital affair with another man. But for a large number of trend watchers in Jakarta, the sex tape is more proof that what they term as an “open marriage” is alive and well in the city.
Open marriage, loosely defined as a marriage in which partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without being regarded as infidelity, is barely a novelty in what is a seemingly conservative society like ours, although it gained less notoriety than the case of polygamy, which has been accepted in the country for decades.
But some people just don’t want to admit that open marriage is an accepted practice in the country, believing that it could only happen in a more open society such as the US, where it is known by its other name, polyamory. Newsweek magazine in its July 2009 edition reported that polyamory, relationships with multiple, mutually consenting partners, has started to gain a following. Those who practice polyamory insist that they are not swingers or looking only for casual sex.
Researchers are just beginning to study the phenomenon, but the few who do, estimate that openly polyamorous families in the US number more than half a million, with thriving contingents in nearly every major city. A number of prominent celebrities such as Cameron Diaz, Tilda Swinton and Carla Bruni, the first lady of France, have voiced support for non-monogamous relationships.
“I don’t buy the concept. I don’t believe that such practice exists here,” a friend told me, believing that a healthy relationship involves two committed and loving adults.
A true believer in monogamy, she said that such a relationship would not hold. “I had friends who were in open relationships, and they were not married. And eventually it crumbled,” she said.
It may be difficult to accept the fact that open marriages are already here, but it is more difficult — if not almost impossible — to find people who want to talk about it openly. Some friends who I talked to could provide names of people who cheated on their partners, but they were in the dark over the concept, let alone people who were pursuing such a lifestyle.
Among a small number of people who agreed to talk to The Jakarta Post is a couple of ten years, Lala and Rama, not their real names.
This couple has its own definition of marriage. “We love each other and we are both happy with this kind of arrangement, but I believe other people would not see things the way we see them,” she said.
It is obvious that by asking for anonymity the couple did not want to retribution from their family.
“It would be really bad if my family knew about this. I have never told any of them, and I don’t trust friends — except maybe one person — as I am sure they will pass judgment on me or maybe gossip about me. I just don’t want to deal with that,” she added.
She would not even tell her lovers that her husband knows about their relationship.
“It’s better to be labeled as a cheater rather than being found to have this type of arrangement,” said the 39-year-old businesswoman.
“People will call us sick. What do you think? Do you think I am sick?” she asked, chuckling.
Lala and her husband agreed to have an open marriage simply to respect each other’s privacy.
The couple have been part of other relationships over the past ten years, with two kids, but agreed that they could share their bed with others.
Sex was the primary reason to have the open marriage. “We love each other, but both have a strong sexual drive and fantasy, you know. So it is natural if we want to find new partners, but we keep in mind that in our new relationships that no feeling is to be involved,” she said, adding that she and her husband said it had been their pre-nuptial agreement to engage in an open relationship.
It’s only for sex, she said, and by having prior consent for an extra-marital relationship, she said it would pose little problem to their marriage.
“If there are no feelings, there will be no pain,” that’s where the couple draws the line. Lala said once they crossed the line, having a romantic relationship with another, it would be called cheating and be negative for their marriage. That consensus still holds.
Lala said she once put too much feeling into a relationship and upset her husband, but both worked out a solution and agreed to move on.
“We love each other partly because both of us can accept each other just the way we are. I think this also makes us love each other more. Eventually we know that we will always love each other regardless of all the people we have slept with,” she said.
Lala also said that having a new lover had also boosted her ego the way it also did her husband’s.
“It feels good to know that people still find me attractive. It’s always good to win over attention from new people,” she said, revealing her competitive side.
Lala added that she also enjoyed it when her husband could steal other women’s attention, adding that “and I am still the one who owns him, I am his wife.”
That way, they said, sparks continued to fly and their sex life was great.
“All the affairs bring good rather than bad influences into our sex life.”
She adds, however, “Or maybe I’m just sick.”
Irwan Martua Hidayana, an expert on sexuality and gender at the University of Indonesia, said the open marriage arrangement is a fact of life in big cities such as Jakarta, where nobody could have control over other’s people lives.
“It is difficult to control someone else’s behavior because of the diversity of our affiliations in society.
For example, I might be a good person in my community on this campus, but I could easily escape the norms if I go to somewhere else in North Jakarta where no one would recognize me. In a city this big only anonymity rules,” he told the Post.
Irwan said that open marriage could also be the by-product of globalization, which rendered old values irrelevant. Exposure to Western values, known to be more tolerant of sexual freedom, had resulted in a change in notion of sexuality and relationships.
“The younger generation no longer sees marriage as a holy matrimony. For them, marriage is a compromise or consensus between those involved and having a sexual intercourse outside of wedlock is no longer considered an aberration or sin,” he said.
He said that individuality was valued more in modern society, and if an institution such as marriage stood in the way of realizing individuality to its fullest, people could have the freedom to leave it.
Irwan said from a gender-study perspective, women nowadays have equally strong positions as men.
“The privilege of having more than one partner is no longer the privilege of men. Now, for some husbands, they can easily accept when their wife has affairs with other men,” he said.
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/07/25/the-polyamorous-love.html
Aside from the huge gasp that reverberates throughout the country, the response toward the sex tape involving television personality Cut Tari and rock star Nazriel “Ariel” Ilham, has been somewhat varied.
Keepers of traditional values were disappointed with what they viewed as “irresponsible” behavior from a wife. Many others criticized her husband for being too soft on her, in spite of an extra-marital affair with another man. But for a large number of trend watchers in Jakarta, the sex tape is more proof that what they term as an “open marriage” is alive and well in the city.
Open marriage, loosely defined as a marriage in which partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without being regarded as infidelity, is barely a novelty in what is a seemingly conservative society like ours, although it gained less notoriety than the case of polygamy, which has been accepted in the country for decades.
But some people just don’t want to admit that open marriage is an accepted practice in the country, believing that it could only happen in a more open society such as the US, where it is known by its other name, polyamory. Newsweek magazine in its July 2009 edition reported that polyamory, relationships with multiple, mutually consenting partners, has started to gain a following. Those who practice polyamory insist that they are not swingers or looking only for casual sex.
Researchers are just beginning to study the phenomenon, but the few who do, estimate that openly polyamorous families in the US number more than half a million, with thriving contingents in nearly every major city. A number of prominent celebrities such as Cameron Diaz, Tilda Swinton and Carla Bruni, the first lady of France, have voiced support for non-monogamous relationships.
“I don’t buy the concept. I don’t believe that such practice exists here,” a friend told me, believing that a healthy relationship involves two committed and loving adults.
A true believer in monogamy, she said that such a relationship would not hold. “I had friends who were in open relationships, and they were not married. And eventually it crumbled,” she said.
It may be difficult to accept the fact that open marriages are already here, but it is more difficult — if not almost impossible — to find people who want to talk about it openly. Some friends who I talked to could provide names of people who cheated on their partners, but they were in the dark over the concept, let alone people who were pursuing such a lifestyle.
Among a small number of people who agreed to talk to The Jakarta Post is a couple of ten years, Lala and Rama, not their real names.
This couple has its own definition of marriage. “We love each other and we are both happy with this kind of arrangement, but I believe other people would not see things the way we see them,” she said.
It is obvious that by asking for anonymity the couple did not want to retribution from their family.
“It would be really bad if my family knew about this. I have never told any of them, and I don’t trust friends — except maybe one person — as I am sure they will pass judgment on me or maybe gossip about me. I just don’t want to deal with that,” she added.
She would not even tell her lovers that her husband knows about their relationship.
“It’s better to be labeled as a cheater rather than being found to have this type of arrangement,” said the 39-year-old businesswoman.
“People will call us sick. What do you think? Do you think I am sick?” she asked, chuckling.
Lala and her husband agreed to have an open marriage simply to respect each other’s privacy.
The couple have been part of other relationships over the past ten years, with two kids, but agreed that they could share their bed with others.
Sex was the primary reason to have the open marriage. “We love each other, but both have a strong sexual drive and fantasy, you know. So it is natural if we want to find new partners, but we keep in mind that in our new relationships that no feeling is to be involved,” she said, adding that she and her husband said it had been their pre-nuptial agreement to engage in an open relationship.
It’s only for sex, she said, and by having prior consent for an extra-marital relationship, she said it would pose little problem to their marriage.
“If there are no feelings, there will be no pain,” that’s where the couple draws the line. Lala said once they crossed the line, having a romantic relationship with another, it would be called cheating and be negative for their marriage. That consensus still holds.
Lala said she once put too much feeling into a relationship and upset her husband, but both worked out a solution and agreed to move on.
“We love each other partly because both of us can accept each other just the way we are. I think this also makes us love each other more. Eventually we know that we will always love each other regardless of all the people we have slept with,” she said.
Lala also said that having a new lover had also boosted her ego the way it also did her husband’s.
“It feels good to know that people still find me attractive. It’s always good to win over attention from new people,” she said, revealing her competitive side.
Lala added that she also enjoyed it when her husband could steal other women’s attention, adding that “and I am still the one who owns him, I am his wife.”
That way, they said, sparks continued to fly and their sex life was great.
“All the affairs bring good rather than bad influences into our sex life.”
She adds, however, “Or maybe I’m just sick.”
Irwan Martua Hidayana, an expert on sexuality and gender at the University of Indonesia, said the open marriage arrangement is a fact of life in big cities such as Jakarta, where nobody could have control over other’s people lives.
“It is difficult to control someone else’s behavior because of the diversity of our affiliations in society.
For example, I might be a good person in my community on this campus, but I could easily escape the norms if I go to somewhere else in North Jakarta where no one would recognize me. In a city this big only anonymity rules,” he told the Post.
Irwan said that open marriage could also be the by-product of globalization, which rendered old values irrelevant. Exposure to Western values, known to be more tolerant of sexual freedom, had resulted in a change in notion of sexuality and relationships.
“The younger generation no longer sees marriage as a holy matrimony. For them, marriage is a compromise or consensus between those involved and having a sexual intercourse outside of wedlock is no longer considered an aberration or sin,” he said.
He said that individuality was valued more in modern society, and if an institution such as marriage stood in the way of realizing individuality to its fullest, people could have the freedom to leave it.
Irwan said from a gender-study perspective, women nowadays have equally strong positions as men.
“The privilege of having more than one partner is no longer the privilege of men. Now, for some husbands, they can easily accept when their wife has affairs with other men,” he said.
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/07/25/the-polyamorous-love.html
Tag :
Info Dewasa
5 Posisi Bercinta Yang Pas Untuk Pria Dengan Ukuran Penis Kecil
INFO SEKS: 5 Posisi Bercinta Yang Pas Untuk Pria Dengan Ukuran Penis Kecil. Kini kita akan mengulas secara lebih detail gaya bercinta yang tepat untuk Mr. P Kecil. Lelaki mana di dunia yang menginginkan Mr P nya terlihat kecil bahkan cenderung pendek. Kebanyakan pasti memilih ingin Mr P yang besar dan panjang. Namun, jika anda memiliki Mr P rata-rata, janganlah berkecil hati, janganlah bersedih hati, apalagi sampai menggunakan obat-obatan yang menjanjikan "senjata" anda tambah panjang dan besar, bisa-bisa anda terkena masalah karena organ vital anda itu sangat sensitif terhadap bahan kimia :D Nah anda tetap bisa menikmati gaya bercinta dengan posisi yang berbeda-beda koq. Dan konon, posisi ini bisa memastikan Anda bisa lebih �dalam� dan memuaskan pasangan.
Buku yang ditulis oleh Riri dan Yoez dalam �Tip dan Trik Menggapai Kenikmatan Seks�, memaparkan empat macam gaya yang bisa dilakukan dalam bercinta jika Mr P nya terlihat rata-rata.
1. Gaya Ular
Gaya bercinta dengan membiarkan pasangan anda mengambil posisi telungkup dengan kaki tertutup rapat. Masukkan Mr P dari arah bokongnya dan buka kaki Anda mengangkangi tubuhnya, biarkan lutut Anda menjejak di kasur (jaga agar punggung Anda tetap di atas). Jangan biarkan berat badan Anda menimpanya. Jika Anda suka menaruh bantal di bawah perutnya, hal ini bisa Anda lakukan. Untuk catatan, dia mungkin secara spontan akan membuka kakinya jika Anda mulai memasukkan Mr P.
2. Gaya Telinga Kelinci
Gaya kali ini giliran pasanagan anda yang berbaring terlentang di atas ranjang, angkat kakinya seakan hendak menyentuh telinga, minta dia memegangnya, dan Anda bisa melakukan penetrasi. Dalam posisi ini, Anda bisa memandang dengan jelas Miss V si dia. Anda pun bisa berpenetrasi dengan mudah sehingga menambah sensasi saat bergerak keluar masuk.
Direkomendasikan agar Anda menaruh tangan atau sebuah bantal di bawah bokongnya dan peluk dia sembari Anda melihat diri Anda sendiri �menyerang� Miss V.
3. Gaya Formasi V
Saat pasangan sedang berbaring terlentang, Anda harus berada di antaranya tubuhnya. Lalu angkat kakinya ke udara, peluk pahanya dan biarkan kakinya membentang membentuk V.
Setelah beberapa saat, istirahatkan kakinya di bahu dan manipulasi klitorisnya sambil Anda terus melakukan penetrasi. Atau Anda dapat berpegangan pada pinggangnya sambil �memompa� pasangan secara perlahan.
4. Doggy Style
Anda pasti sudah tidak asing dengan gaya ini. Dengan posisi ini, Anda bisa melakukan penetrasi penuh sekaligus bisa juga mencapai tingkat kenikmatan tinggi. Untuk rasa lebih berbeda, buka kaki Anda dan biarkan kaki pasangan tertutup dan lengkungkan punggungnya, sementara kepala dan bahunya rileks di atas bantal.
Yups, 5 posisi bercinta yang pas untuk mr. P kecil ini dapat anda jadikan referensi saat berhubungan intim dengan istri. Tapi jika aktivitas seks sendiri terhalang karena kondisi tubuh yang capek, anda para pria tetap dapat memuaskan istri anda dengan teknik memainkan vagina wanita menggunakan jari, paling tidak saat kondisi tidak memungkinkanpun, kita masih dapat memberikan kepuasan terhadap istri kita
Tag :
Info Seks
Tips Konsultasi dg Dokter Mengenai Disfungsi Ereksi
Masalah disfungsi ereksi memang kadang bikin stress dan malu,kebanyakan orang tidak mau mengakui bahwa dirinya mengalami disfungsi ereksi,bahkan beberapa orang begitu malu sehingga tidak punya keberanian untuk berbicara dengan dokter mengenai masalah disfungsi ereksinya.
Padahal kesulitan mendapatkan ereksi dapat menjadi peringatan dini masalah kesehatan yang serius seperti misalnya penyakit jantung,diabetes.Disfungsi ereksi juga dapat di sebabkan oleh obat tertentu misalnya obat tekanan darah.Jadi penting sekali jika Anda mengalami disfungsi ereksi segera bicara dengan dokter,kenapa?karena dokter dapat membantu masalah disfungsi ereksi Anda,baik dengan saran ataupun dengan obat.
Cara mengatasi rasa malu
-Ketahuilah Bahwa Anda Tidak Sendirian
Kemungkinan besar Anda bukan orang yang pertama berbicara dengan dokter mengenai masalah ereksi,karena ada banyak pria yang mengalami hal serupa dengan Anda.
-Beranilah
Kebanyakan orang langkah pertama untuk menghubungi dokter adalah langkah terberat.Pilihlah cara yang terasa nyaman unutk Anda ketika membuat janji dengan dokter,seperti misalnya Anda bisa mengatakan �Saya ingin berbicara dengan dokter mengenai masalah kesehatan seksual�.
-Jujurlah
Terbuka dan jujur dengan dokter dan memberikan informasi sebanyak yang Anda bisa,akan membantu dokter mengetahui:
* Ketika Anda pertama kali menyadari bahwa Anda sedang mengalami kesulitan ereksi
* Apakah Anda mendapati masalah ereksi saat masturbasi atau hanya saat berhubungan seks dengan pasangan Anda
* Apa obat yang anda pakai
* Gejala atau masalah kesehatan yang Anda miliki
* Apakah Anda merokok atau minum alkohol
* Bagaimana Anda dan pasangan Anda telah berurusan dengan kesulitan ereksi Anda
* Apakah Anda merasa cemas atau depresi
* Bagaimana Anda menilai gairah seks Anda
* Faktor-faktor apa yang Anda pikirkan mungkin menyebabkan masalah Anda
Semakin banyak informasi yang dapat Anda berikan, dokter Anda akan lebih tepat menemukan penyebab dan obat yang tepat.
Bawalah Daftar Pertanyaan
Ketika bicara mengenai masalah ereksi dengan dokter,biasanya pria ingin cepat selesai karena rasa malu.Untuk memastikan Anda mendapatkan semua informasi yang Anda butuhkan,bawalah daftar pertanyaan.Pertanyaan seperti apa?baiklah di bawah ini ada beberapa contoh perntanyaan untuk Anda tanyakan ke dokter:
* Apakah normal memiliki kesulitan ereksi pada usia saya?
* Bisakah masalah ereksi menjadi tanda dari kondisi yang mendasarinya?
* Apakah ini masalah fisik atau psikologis?
* Apakah saya harus konsultasi dg seorang psikoterapis?
* Apakah obat disfungsi ereksi dapat membantu saya?
* Jika saya mulai menggunakan obat DE, akankah saya harus menggunakannya selamanya?
* Apakah ada perubahan gaya hidup apapun saya dapat membantu untuk meningkatkan kualitas ereksi saya?
* Apakah saya perlu berbicara dengan ahli urologi atau spesialis lainnya?
Pilihlah Dokter yang Tepat
Pilihlah dokter yang bisa membuat Anda merasa nyaman berbicara masalah Anda.Jika dokter meresepkan pengobatan seperti misalnya obat penurun kolesterol, obat tekanan darah atau salah satu dari berbagai pilihan obat disfungsi ereksi,pakailah sesuai resep.
Check-up secara rutin untuk memantau kemajuan Anda.Jika Anda terus memiliki masalah ereksi, duduk lagi dengan dokter Anda untuk mendiskusikan pilihan-pilihan lainnya.Hampir semua masalah ereksi bisa diobati, jadi jangan menyerah.
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Tips dan Trick